Director: [prepares to start a song, counts off, and cues the ringer to begin]
Ringer: [“rings” handbell, from which the clapper has been removed]
Director: [stops, looks puzzled]
Ringer: [laughs nervously, rotates the bell 180 degrees in his hand] Sorry, it was crooked.
Director: [restarts song as above, cues ringer]
Ringer [“rings” bell, stops, looks very confused.  Looks at the bell, then turns it to look inside.  Surprised, yells] The clanger!!
Director: The clanger?
Ringer: The clanger, you know, the thing that makes the bell clang!
Director: Oh, the clapper!  The copper clapper!
Ringer: Right, the copper clapper!
Director: What about the copper clapper?
Ringer: The copper clapper – it’s been copped!
Bell Choir: [gasps with surprise and astonishment]
Director: So we have a copper clapper caper concerning our choir of copper clapper clangers!
Ringer: Correctly conclusive, yes.
Director: Where could it be, the copped copper clapper?
Ringer: Could it be in the closet, where it was kept?
Director: In the corner of the copper clapper choir closet?  It couldn’t be, I confirmed.  Besides, Clarinda Crawford, the copper clapper choir closet custodian, could have caught him!
Ringer: [asks the bell choir in general] Could anyone have any contemplations considering the capper who copped our
copper clapper?
Bell Choir: [shrugs, shakes heads, says no]
Director: Well, there once was a ringer I kicked out of our copper clapper clanger choir because he couldn’t clang correctly.
Ringer: Could he be the caper?  What was his name?
Director: Colin Cress.
Ringer: You conclude?
Director: That’s correct!  I conclude Colin Cress copped our copper clapper kept in the copper clapper clanger closet.
Ringer: That could be it.  Where is this Colin Cress from?
Director: Sure, Cleveland.  Hmmm.  You know what the worst thing is?  I just cleaned that copped copper clapper.
Ringer: Just cleaned the copper clapper?  That stinks.  Why do you think that Colin Cress would cop our clean copper clappers we kept in the copper clapper clanger choir closet?
Director: Only one reason:  He’s a kleptomaniac!
Ringer: Okay.  Let me confirm this.  Our clean copper clapper kept in the copper clapper clanger choir closet of custodian Clarinda Crawford were copped by Colin Cress, a kleptomaniac from Cleveland.
Director: That’s correct.  One more thing.
Ringer: What?
Director: If I ever catch kleptomaniac Colin Cress from Cleveland who copped our clean copper clapper from the copper clapper clanger choir closet…
Bell Choir: [pause, bell choir looks expectantly]
Director: I’ll clobber him!